There is no reconciliation
by gloomfacednerd
Summary: Bella has always been unsure of everything. Desperation arose & got her a job. She still craves for Edward. Bella's meant to forget what she done to him but it comes to haunt her. What did Bella do to him? What job did she have & why's she in it forlife?


**Um, yeah. It is kinda weird. It was TOO gory at first, so I hope it ain't as gory now. :)**

**Erm, yeah. (: LOL, that's it. :D Enjoy... ~ Oh yeah & I'll update it whenever I can. :D -**

**-3**

_"W-where am I?" My voice echoed through out the wide space ahead of me._

_A pale figure that immitated a statue with his arms open infront of him appeared out of nowhere._

_I blinked at the sudden luminosity that seemed to await me._

_I stood there helplessly. I didn't know wether I should go forward and help that person. I didn't even know who it was._

_Where was I anyway? What in the world was I doing here? I was so frustrated by the thought of what brought me here._

_The figure seemed to be saying something. I edged closer. Wonder and confusion creeped in my head. _

_"H-hello?" I swallowed the huge lump that rose from my throat._

_The figure shifted closer to me, it's arms still spread open. I started to hyperventilate._

_I wanted to scream and run for help; I couldn't move. _

_It was closer now. He was forty meters away from me. I could tell._

_"D-Dont hurt me. I just..." I panicked when I didn't know the explanation I was meant to declare._

_My breathing was loud and embarassing. Some days I would find it humiliating, but right now, I didn't care._

_Fear dominated the other visible emotions I showed awhile ago. _

_What's going to happen now? I don't know what to do. How am I meant to escape this nightmare stalking towards me?_

_And what's going to happen after whatever's going to happen right now? What about my parents? What about my friends?_

_What about all the things I've always wanted to try? Every problem that was waiting for me to solve it, what were going to be the results when I never came up with a solution?_

_That statement brought me up short._

_I began repenting in my head. Saying sorry for all the wrong things I have done. I thought about the people who I have sinned against._

_One person stood out from all the rest; _Edward Cullen.

_That name _always_ gave me a head ache. And right now it was forcing me to grant a forbidden wish._

Forbidden_ because for the past few months I never done _anything_ except forget all about him. Everything that I done to him, kept in a space at the back of my heart where it was supposed to be forgotten in a matter of time. I didn't know why his name sent shivers down my spine or made me queasy and uncomfortable. _

_But still. The wish I never thought I would say had me saying it out loud. _

_"E-Edward, I wish you were h-here. Save me," I shut my eyes and tried to control my incoming tears. "Help me g-go through this. Stand by me, please. Edward."_

_I knew it was silly to say that wish infront of someone who was _probably _about to do something unforgiveable to me._

_But I really _did _want that wish to come true, that Edward would arrive and take me away from here._

_It was _even _sillier to think that Edward would actually come and save me._

_I was no longer scared for some reason. I wonder why..._

_After that thought, I recognised the figure - about five meters away from me now - that stopped in his tracks. Still with his arms open ahead of him._

_I forced myself to speak out loud without stuttering, but I only managed a whisper._

_"Edward?" A slow smile began to form on my face. "Is that really you?"_

_Edward was right _there_. Infront of me. _Me. _With open arms._

_I ran towards him and gained relief that I could move now. I hugged him and crushed myself as tight as I could manage. _

_To my surprise, Edward hugged me back. Really tightly._

_"Edward, please, don't let go. I know I am unworthy of you for what I've done to you. Just please, don't let go." _

_Edward had his left arm wrapped around me and his right hand stroked my hair gently. _

_"Don't be scared, don't be scared," He murmured softly. "I'm here. No reason to be scared, Bella."_

_Suddenly, the atmosphere changed._

_Lots of screaming emanating from this space around us deafened me._

_I hugged Edward closer than ever. I was too terrified to scream and cover my ears. Instead, I shut my eyes hoping and hoping for the noise to vanish._

_I finally met the urge to speak. But I was distracted by a loud _tap. _I couldn't hear a thing other than a loud screech that blocked everything. _

_Even the screams._

_"Edward?" I placed my hand on my mouth - indicating shock. _

_I couldn't hear my voice. _

What's happening to me? _I thought. I started getting nauseated. _

_I started to cry._

_I looked up at Edward, but his expression was terrifying. Too terrifying. I shut my eyes and leaned against his cold, solid chest._

_I felt a hard thing jab my back deeply. I didn't feel any kind of pain because I felt like I was anesthetized before this._

What in the hell is happening? _I asked myself. _

_Edward's hands were the last thing I felt when my body went limp as I heard cracking. _

_This pain battled against the numbness that protected me from the jab. _

_It won._

_My body was sagging to the floor slowly. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't scream. _

_Why was Edward just looking at me?_

_This torture was like being shot through the heart, trampled by a stampede, ran over and squashed by tanks._

_All of those, repeated a billion times._

_I realised what was happening._

_Edward was crushing me. _Crushing _me into nothing. _

_I wanted to ask him _why_, but I couldn't. I wanted to scream, but can't. I wanted to fight against this, but I didn't have the strength._

_I was on the cold, hard surface when I saw Edward's satisfied smile plastered everywhere - including my mind._

_I waited and waited for this suffering to end. For this hell to vanish and never come haunting me again._

_I choked on my sobs. My sobs were growing louder, I know - even though I couldn't really hear it. _

_I was gasping for air. I couldn't breathe.  
_

_But I suddenly realised that my sobs weren't to blame._

_I was choking up blood._

_It flooded my nostrils and my mouth. It filled the whole area._

_I suddenly wanted to scream out loud. _

What did I ever do to deserve this never-ending torture? _I screamed in my head._

_But of course I knew. Of course._

_My sin towards Edward was unforgiveable. So this is his pay back for me._

_My eyes never stopped flowing with tears. I might aswell cry blood._

_Like some cartoon TV shows, my soul flew upwards. It never came back._

_It watched me drowning in my own blood. _

_Crying. Dying..._

"Edward!" I gasped and flung the covers away from my face and my sweat-covered body.

I sat up. I groaned as I placed my hand on my head.

"Headrush," I muttered groggily.

I was still thinking about that stupid nightmare. And the cruel punishment.

I knew that that was what's do be done of me. But I never knew how much it could hurt me emotionally.

_It's called guilt, Bella, _I scolded myself.

I buried my face in my hands and felt that my cheeks were wet.

I didn't know that I was crying in my sleep, too.

I shook off the nightmare and got up.

On my way to the bathroom which settled downstairs, I thought about various things.

The past few months went really well for me; no nightmares, no concerns about _them. _Especially, _him._

I didn't know why I even done that to Edward. It only gave me a mountain-load of problems that were never going to be solved. _Ever._

If Renee and Charlie knew the real reason behind my divorce with Edward, they would flip out. Charlie would probably sue her own daughter for doing something like it.

Ugh, why did I even consider lying to them? I am so stupid. Stupid for what I done to Edward. To my family. To everybody.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _the chant in my head made me dizzy, I had to grab hold of the railings and watch my feet whilst trudging downstairs.

I decided I didn't need to shower for now, I'll do it later. I had to prepare for my job.

Desperation was the reason why I applied for that job. Well, I didn't apply...

I didn't even want to think about it.

I sat down on the sofa and pulled up my legs up to my chin and rested on my knees.

I sobbed at the fact that my life was tearing apart. Bit by bit.

What's worse than having no true friends, no interacting with your parents and no self-confidence? I had no clue.

I needed to rely on my job. It's the only thing that keeps me sane, even though it's wrong. I get a lot from my wage.

So I was content. I needed to be content. So why was I still sobbing?

What, because I needed a certain person to love me again?

_Bella, you're crazy, you don't need_ him, I thought. _You can cope, you can cope!_

But, surely enough, I had to lie to myself...


End file.
